I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
