I think i peed on brittanys purse
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i've created a new STD.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
