Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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