You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
