the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
