You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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