Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
