well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
