You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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