good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
