Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
