can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
