idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize