bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
