She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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