I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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