Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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