After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this boner is exhausting
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
