okay pat passed out under dana's car
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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