i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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