Pappa wants mamma naked
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
