Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
