Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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