I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
