she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize