My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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