tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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