the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
