I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
