HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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