Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize