The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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