I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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