wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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