You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
