This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
