All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
