your parents love me but you hate me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
