My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so let's talk penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
