Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
