i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
