that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
