One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
