I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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