U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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