I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
