New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
