just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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