I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
