we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
