He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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