Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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