Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
