I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
