I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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