3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
