Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Liz is crying about burritos again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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