just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
