so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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