Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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