Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
