so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
