Do you still have your period?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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