Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
