We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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