I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
