this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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