The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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