can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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