I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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