don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
