you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
