I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
