I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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