I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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