so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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